Like endless rain into a paper cup...

Today marks the first since relocation that I stayed indoors all day. It's a big deal not to do anything but nothing. Coincidentally, my first day back on the patch after having a smoke everyday for the last four weeks fell on the same day I tried to embrace the little things I didn't foresee when I planned this move. The reshuffling of the mind tactics to fit within the organic formation of variables in order to get closer to the lifestyle I want to lead has been nothing but nails scratching chalkboard inside the mind. It sucks.

I appreciate having to meet people only once or twice then starting an ongoing facebook message conversations with them. One of those buddies congratulated me on becoming supervisor at work after only 2 weeks and proceeded to predict, maybe with pun intended, that eventually I'll be a package designer for the company. I replied by saying that it'll take fifty more steps to even get to that promotion if that position even existed. But who knows? If I got promoted after only 2 weeks then it's not too far fetched that I can climb up to a position which will keep my creative mind afloat in the nearer future. I hope I hope I hope. Maybe if I say that enough in my head it will actually come true.

Craigslist is slower just like everything else in Hawaii. In my utopian world the tangible will be laid back and the cyberworld will be fast paced. I only say this because there's only an average of 1.5 design jobs a day being posted on craigslist, and 60 percent of those are irrelevant to my plans.

I don't know why but I feel like I am experiencing a Lennon/McCartney moment right now, most specifically their the lyrics, "words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup. They stumble while the pass. They slip away across the universe." It's only been ten minutes and I've got a lot written already but which no doubt tomorrow I will edit like hell. Actually scratch the edit part, since I am taking the effort to stop old returning habits sternly then I should afford stumbling blindly into something less then ordinary for me. Yin and yang are my friends so their balance has to be preserved. Yeah no editing.

My friend Vanessa once quoted one of the things I wrote to her during one of our IM sessions. Naturally it was not spell checked. At that time it bothered me that someone quoted a non-intended grammatically flawed words of "wisdom" from me. Now I think I get that, I guess the rawness of things can be liberating sometimes. This feels kinda like when I shaved my head after I diligently went through the process of growing it out and fixing it all the time. After a while you just miss not taking care of it. Getting ready and not having to look at yourself feels pretty free.

Damn six more minutes until my movie is completely downloaded and I don't know what to write about anymore. I guess I can talk about my mom who, on vacation, facebook messaged me to ask that I make an online payment for her because she's having trouble signing into the website halfway across the world...but get this, she tells me she's broke so she asked that I pay with my own money!! fml. Like a good son I did it and immediately messaged her back on how she can repay this, all the while thinking why did I even accepted my mom's friend request after holding out for so long? for no other reason I suppose a part of me misses her. I would kill for some or her cooked meals right now that I used to take for granted back then.

My download is almost over so I'm ups and gone. going going gone.